I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
