I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
