when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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