I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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