I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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