i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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