i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
