Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
