If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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