Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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