you guys were way drunker than both of me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
