Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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