Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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