on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize