so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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