It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
