i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
