I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need moral support for this bender
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize