I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
