what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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