i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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