He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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