Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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