At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
