Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize