my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
