worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
