I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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