whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
