and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
