Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
