I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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