i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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