You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
