I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we're so committed to being not committed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
