Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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