Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize