it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
