The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
