Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
