Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
