LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
