i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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