A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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