i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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