you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
