Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
