In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
