The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
