So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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