but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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