I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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