If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
