So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
