I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
