Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize