I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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