This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
