I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we made out on top of his cat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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