Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So much Jack, so little girl.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
