you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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