I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
