Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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