I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
