When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize