I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
