Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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