sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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