no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
