Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
