I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
