there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
