Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
