Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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