so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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