i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
