I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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