I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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