it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
