Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
