I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
