so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
