My balls are so social today.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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