I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
