"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
