weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude i'm inner monologue high
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
