I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
