Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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