why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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