Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
