Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
