Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
