She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
