he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
