My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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