Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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