morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
