why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
