it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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