Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
