so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
