He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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